The time I cycled into a Danish policeman and knocked him over

Comedy is tragedy plus time

On moving to Denmark, one of the first things I had to do on my arrival in Copenhagen was to purchase a bicycle. My then girlfriend found one in a newspaper. A price was agreed and borrowing my girlfriend’s bike, I just had to go and get it.

We were staying on Amager, the bike was on Nørrebro, near Nørrebro Station, around a 45 minute journey. I cycled to the seller’s flat and made the transaction.

I am not sure how much I had thought this through in advance.

So with a seven mile journey ahead of me, in the dark, in a country/city I have just arrived in, cycling on a different side of the road to that which I am accustomed, on two bikes and with no bike lights, I begin my journey through the heart of Copenhagen. Unaware of the specific Danish laws, but not a complete idiot, I suspected cycling while holding/pulling another bicycle might be frowned upon, and perhaps no bike lights at night was also frowned upon?

I’m on Nørrebrogade, a major road cutting through Copenhagen about a 10 minutes cycle from Dronning Louise Bro, and I spot half a dozen Police at the side of the road. These were very tall, young police, the ones Københavners will recognize from say football matches, or being in Christiania on the wrong day.

I have a bad feeling about this

On spotting me on my two bikes without lights, one of them steps out onto the cycle path, raising his hand in the internationally recognised stop position. This is a slightly older, slightly heavier, possibly in charge police man. The bike I was on had no hand brakes, but a pedal backwards braking system. This was something I had never come across before moving to Denmark. It had been going fine with the pedal backwards braking system up until that point, but I panicked when the Danish policeman stepped out onto the road, and I forgot how to brake.

I cycled straight into the unfortunate guy, and knocked him over. As he fell over, his colleagues to my immediate right, laughed!

My world stopped.

In a fraction of a second my brain worked out every conceivable possibility, none of them good. Would I be deported, disappeared completely, or even worse, was my girlfriend going to get a phone call to have to collect me from a police station. ‘He’s done what?!’

Just at the point where I was about to find out my fate, there was a buzzing noise from a walkie talkie, lots of talking, and all the Police officers to my immediate right, ran off with some urgency down a side street.

Like something from a film, turning from watch them run (sprint) away, turning to look in front of me, ‘my’ policeman was picking himself up off the road, directly in front of me, looking at me with some considerable disdain/anger. He looked over at his colleagues running, looked at me angrily, looked back at his colleagues, and then, began running after them.

As he ran he turned his head towards me and shouted instructions to me with a not too friendly voice. I didn’t speak any Danish. He kept running to catch up with his much fitter, younger colleagues.

I chose to believe what he must have said was ‘carry on, and try not forget how those brakes work in future eh’, and proceeded with my journey. A little worried for the 7-8 kilometer journey, I may get picked up in a police van at any given moment.

And that was day three in Denmark.

Since then, twenty eight years in Copenhagen, I have of course, never cycled with two bikes again, always have lights, always follow all the rules, and if a police officer is in my local supermarket on their well deserved break, I always insist they go in front of me in the queue…

Iain Cameron is a Copenhagen based graphic designer and web designer, here is my portfolio.